Santana's abuela
by ralwheels
Summary: Devastated by her Abuela kicking her out Santana goes straight to Brittany's house. Emotions run high and insecurities come out. Brittany/Santana Brittana


Santana raised her hand to the door she had opened so many times before, knocking softly. Using all her energy to try not to think about how disappointed brittany would be and to forget the events of the pervious hour. Shaking her head as if that would erase the image that kept replaying in her mind; her Abuela's detached face telling her to leave the house she had grown up in. Dropping her hand from the door she gave up and decided she would just try not to think at all. As she heard a rustle from inside, Santana used the hand that was not clenched into a fist to wipe smeared mascara off her face.

Upon hearing a knock on the door brittany shot up and almost tripped over her desk chair. Knowing that tonight Santana had gone to tell her abuela about their relationship, she was anxiously waiting for her to arrive. As she got close to the door she heard a small sniffle that she knew could only belong to Santana, making her stomach do flips. She reached the door and rested her hand on the doorknob. She gulped before swinging the door open.

"Hey," Santana said weakly trying her best to turn the corners of her mouth up.

Brittany's chest clenched when she saw Santana. Her eyes were swollen, makeup smudged, and her small "smile" was so sad it couldn't possible be called a smile. Her routine confident-hot-funny-rude-bitchy persona was nowhere to be found. Brittany knew only one thing could have happened tonight that could make her everyday partner in crime look so defeated.

"She didn't," Brittany said trying not to sound too shocked.

"Ya She did.." Santana said with a painfully biting snicker she usually used when she was mocking someone , but Brittany couldn't tell if it was directed towards her or if Santana was scorning herself. Or maybe she was trying to deride the whole situation. " And I though the alphabet was confusing" brittany thought to herself.

" She kicked me out," santana said her voice now unbelievably monotoned

"Oh my God really?!," Brittany said still trying to process.

Santana just shrugged and let her hands that were previously holding each other fall to her sides. They both looked at each other. Brittany studied her best friends face worriedly, trying to find something to say. Not able to bear looking at Santana so sad anymore Brittany pulled her into a crushing hug. Santana stood there still as a stone looking at a now empty doorframe. Brittany's gut filled with anger at Santana's abuela and disappointment when Santana wasn't hugging her back. But mostly she was sad that she didn't know how to help. Determined, brittany pulled her closer and held her tighter, never wanting to let go and hoping Santana would give in.

Finally leaning into the hug Santana let out a sigh. Her mind was blank but at the same time filled with sadness. She slowly eased her head into the crook of brittany's neck, the most comfortable place in the world to her. Brittany also took comfort upon feeling the tenseness in Santana's body let up a little. This felt so natural, so easy but right when brittany thought Santana might be fine, she stepped out of her arms. Standing face to face both girl's emotions were running high.

Seeing Santana shiver as cold air breezed by them made brittany want to wrap her arms around santana again but she wasn't confident it would help.

" want some hot chocolate," brittany asked after a second not knowing what else to say.

"Sure…. ," santana replied looking everywhere but directly at brittany

"um I'll meet you upstairs…K?," santana said feeling to worn out to do anything but sit and reflect on everything she had been fearing for so long shattering so fast and so violently right in front of her.

"Okay," brittany replied stepping aside to let Santana in

A few minutes later Brittany was pushing her bedroom door open with her shoulder because of the hot chocolate filled mugs in her hands. Her eyes surveyed the room to where Santana was sitting. She looked so small sitting on the edge of Brittany's bed staring at her hands.

" Here you go."

" Thx."

Brittany sat down next to Santana, sitting on her left leg so her body was facing her. Santana took a small sip then placed the mug on the bedside table.

"So what exactly happened?" brittany asked shyly

"Well I pretty much told her that um… well i told her i liked girls the way i should feel about guys," Santana said bringing her eyes to meet Brittany's

" I told her that when I'm with you I finally know what people mean when they talk about love." Brittany almost smiled before she remembered the situation. Santana's eyes had been filled with such hope and love for just a few seconds before turning back to a hard dark color of doubt and pain as she went on.

" Then she just stared at me… and when she finally spoke she told me to get out and that she never wanted to see me again," Santana said, slightly pointing her finger at the door to show her Abuela's actions as she said it.

" I told her that nothing had changed and that I was the same person I was a minute ago but she wouldn't listen…" santana paused as if to prepare herself for what she was about to say.

" She said I should have kept it a secret," santana looked at the floor then back at Brittany, then back to the floor and back at Brittany. Santana's looked so powerless at first before changing to a shut off and guarded expression Brittany knew to well.

"And then she just got up and walked away, just like that ," santana finished, know looking at her hands as she twisting her bracket rapidly around her wrist.

Brittany blinked her eyes hard to keep herself from crying. How could her own grandmother do this to her.

" I.. just … Im so sorry San," Brittany said as she struggled to find the right words lifting her hand to rub Santana's back. " I don't know what to say ," was all she could manage.

Stupid brittany she thought to her self, say something , make her feel better. Mad at her self Brittany just continued to rub small circles on santana's back hoping it would Santana took little comfort in this.

She didn't know what she wanted brittany to say. She didn't know how to make her self feel better. She didn't know how to be vulnerable like she thought most regular people would be under the circumstanced. She just didn't know. She tried anyway, she tried for Brittany.

" I remember this one time in 8th grade me and Quinn got into a stupid fight," Santana started. Brittany nodded as if she knew exactly which time but quinn and santana did get into a lot of fights. "and I ran home crying. Well I didn't run home , I ran to Abeula's house," Santana continued. "I told her all about what had happened …with lots of details and she just grabbed the car keys and told me to get in the car and i did. And we just drove and drove and we talked and window shopped till I couldn't even remember what had happened… And that was just one day," Santana said with a little smile.

As she listened Brittany started to remember other stories of Santana's abuela and her own memories of meeting her. Combing her brain to try and think of something nice to say about Santana's abuela but she couldn't. She couldn't even think of something good someone else's said about her.

" Isn't she kind of a bitch," Brittany said before she could stop herself. Crap! Stupid,stupid,stupid she thought before she heard Santana let out a small chuckle.

"Ya she is but I didn't care. She was sometimes sweat to me…. and she just.. she was … she was just my Abuela, you know," Santana asked hearing her voice quiver and feeling a tear slip down her cheek."Ya," brittany said softly tucking a piece of stray hair behind Santana's ear.

Then Santana's head shot up as she looked at brittany almost scared.

" I'm not like that am i?" she asked

"like what?" brittany said now confused

" Well i mean i know I'm a bitch but im not like despicable am I," santana said looking deep into Brittany's eyes. "I'm not just like an awful person to be around or like just an awful person in general," she asked softer than before and shifting her gaze back to her hands.

"What, No, of course not," brittany said slipping off the bed so she was kneeling in front of Santana. Trying to get the smaller girl to look at her.

"Your good person San," she said picking up sanatna's hands so they rested perfectly in hers.

"I dont know what despicable means but I love spending time with you" she said as she reached up and cupped santana's face , whipping a tear away with her thumb.

They stared at each other for what seemed like two seconds for Brittany, until she could see something switch in Santana again as she got up and walked to the dresser across the room. Brittany thought it was hard for Santana to let people in before, now she just hoped it wasn't impossible.

Santana was looking in the small mirror on brittany's dresser trying to wipe the rest of her makeup off. She felt Brittanys shoulder brush her's as she came to stand next to her. They stood there for a minute. Santana couldn't help her mind from filling with reasons why she deserved her abuela's hatred and right now she thought she deserved everyone's hatred.

"Will you stop staring at me like that" santana said rather rudely upon seeing brittany''s pity filled eyes looking at her

"Santana.." brittany said

"Look I'm fine okay" santna said matter-of-factly

A few more minutes went by without either one of them saying anything. Santana still scrubbing her face aggressively.

"Its' just like how can you just stop loving someone," santana said as if they were gossiping about someone in the locker room.

" I dont know." Brittany said confused on how she had asked so nonchalantly and trying really hard to find an answer. Wracking her brain to say something comforting.

Noticing brittany's frustration Santana sighed " You dont have to answer that, B," she said turning back to the mirror.

"I'll never stop loving you," brittany said after a minute looking at Santana through the mirror

"Me either, britt," Santana said turning so they were facing each other. Then giving brittany's hand a small squeeze

" So um you wanna watch a movie" Santana asked trying her best to smile

"Are you sure? Don't you think you should.." brittany said before she was cut off

"I told you I was fine," santana said angrily stepping away from the dresser. For some reason this just set her off.

Brittany is such a wonderful person why does she want to be with me , Santana thought. NO Lopez's are strong and independent. I love brittany and she loves me who needs Abuela. Santana's thoughts contradicting themselves every second.

Everyone had always told her she was just like her abuela. Flashes of memories of her abuela starting fights and calling her garbage face took over her thoughts. Her mind was clouded as she tried to think of something nice her abuela had done or said, or just something nice that was said about her. She couldn't think of anything

" Your just like your abuelita," santana heard her mothers voice say as she saw her mom kneel down and pinch her eight year old selves face.

Santana started to pace angrily around the room muttering in spanish then picking up a pillow and throwing it across the room. Brittany rushed over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Stop, get off," Santana almost yelled

"Why don't we just sit down," brittany asked

" No" Santana said running her hands through her hair

"San.." brittany tried to start but santana shrugged her hands off her shoulders and took a few steps away.

" I'm FINE," santana said more harshly than she intended but continued to walk back to the dresser

"SANTANA" brittany yelled startiling Santana. " Just stop okay… talk to me," brittany said while santana turned to face her. " I dont like seeing you sad," brittany added

Santana just shrugged and paced in a smaller version then she was before only taking one step each direction. Brittany again had to grab her arms for her to stay still and look at her.

"Please, just talk to me," brittany begged. Santana stared at her but finally gave in.

" i just thought she was the one who would always love me you know," Santana started looking up at brittany who was staring at her so intently she had to continue, " besides the fact she basically raised me, i thought we were kinda the same you know, she's a bitch im a bitch no one needed us. and that was ok because we had each other… ," Santana took a long breath before continuing "And that made it sorta ok that my parents are always on business trips and it was ok that I have such a bad attitude and that i was a slut. But know it like… I don't know….. I cant help but feel like quinn doesn't need me anymore, …. glee club doesn't need me, my parents don't need me, and now even abuela doesn't need me," she finished unable to look anywhere but the floor.

Brittany sighed " I need you San, I do," brittany said taking a step closer to santana.

"Why" santana said in her quietest voice ever.

"Why…. because I love," brittany replied like it was a dum question

"How could you," santana said so faintly brittany might not have heard if they weren't standing so close. Brittany knew Santana was insecure sometimes but not like this. Her stupid abeula was all brittnay could think.

" San can't I just be in love with you , cant you just believe that," brittany asked hopefully. Santana wanted to say yes but she was stuck still. Confused and lonely she was stuck looking at the ground wanting to tell brittany how much she loves her.

" And Santana despite what you think everyone in glee club really cares about you," brittany continued hoping Santana would be able to see the good things in her life right now. " Your so talented San… I love your voice and I love how much you love everyone in glee club even though you don't show it sometimes," brittany continued gaining courage and picking up Santana's face in her hands till there noses where centimeters away from touching " I love how your eyebrows crinkle when you make your I'm right face and how you could blame all this hurting you have on Finn but you don't because you really do care about him and i know you miss your parents when there gone but you don't let that bring you down and i love how you stick up for me even when you know Im wrong and how you make me a smarter person everyday and you love and believe in me even when i don't believe in myself," santana could feel the weight on her heart lift a little with every word brittany said " I love how I probably would have spent all summer last year in the sewers if it wasn't for you," brittany continued while her last sentence left a small smile on santana's face " I need you San and your Abuela is just stupid."

"I love you so much B," Santana said crashing her lips into Brittany. Unable to control her delight brittany pulled Santana so close it was hard to keep there heads at the right angle to hold the kiss. They finally backed away from the kiss and hugged for a little longer. " Your perfect san," brittany whispered as she kissed the side of santana's head. Santana pulled away a little so she could look at brittany

"I'm sorry I'm so sad and that i probably won't get that much happier any time soon….it's just I'm so tired. Tired of hiding who i am, Tired of always worrying about upholding my image and my popularity and I'm tired of always being afraid," After a minute Santana tried to continue but her voice got caught " And she …. she's suppose…. supposed….

" She was supposed to love you know matter what," brittany cut in.

" Ya," Santana said looking to the ground again " I'm so exhausted," she said before brittany cupped her face and and pulled her into a gentle kiss. Santana wrapped her arms around brittany's neck and depend the kiss. Brittany placed her hands perfectly on the smaller girls waist. Santana pushed brittany back onto the bed letting out a little giggle as they fell. Brittany's hand started reaching up santana's shirt as santana kissed down brittany's neck. Things were getting hot and heavy before brittany pulled away a little

" My parents are home," she said disappointedly. Santana made a little pout face which in return britttany rubbed her nose against santana's like a doggie kiss. Both girls now lying next to each other santana leaned in a little so there lips just barely grazed then pulled back slightly. Brittany put her hand on santana's face and softly kissed her. Brittany started to pull away but couldn't, instead just completely indulging in santana's lips again. Although they continued to kiss for a while Santana eventually sat up on brittany's hips and said " Im ganna change," stopping them from breaking Mrs. Priece number one rule about them dating.

While Santana was in the bathroom brushing her teeth her phone buzzed. It was her mom, she quickly pressed decline not really caring what her mom had to say, when her face dropped. Her background was a picture of her and her abuela after west side story's opening night. She loved that picture so much, or at least she used to. She would always remember how much she didn't care that her parents couldn't make it because abuela was there, who would stand and clap every time she even stepped on the stage…Now who did she have that would come to her shows, Santana thought. Brittany of course but family, families are supposed to come. Which Santana felt as if she had none . All her friends parents came, why didn't hers, why couldn't Abuela except who she was. Loneliness and confusion was overwhelming Santana once again.

Santana locked her phone and threw it on the bed, sadness filling her whole body.

"Hey santana you okay" Brittany called from the bed.

"Ya" santana said unconvincingly as she walked to the bed and slipped under the covers facing away from Brittany. Brittany streched to reach santana's phone at the end of the bed. Upon reaching the phone brittany saw Santana's lock screen picture realizing the flood of emotions her girlfriend must be having. Just then a small sniffles came from Santana's tiny frame.

" Santana…Hey… come on," brittany said as she reached over trying to comfort her.

Santana still facing away from brittany stared at the wall as if maybe the wall could make her abuela change her mind. And finally it broke. Watever it was that had been letting Santana shield herself from feeling too much waterer had allowed her to hide herself in bitchiness was gone. A few minutes paced and Santana began to let her tears fall without stoping them for the first time since she left her Abuela's house. Still focusing on the wall santana felt stuck as she began to cry harder and harder with each minute. An unsure brittany still trying to comfort her.

" I um I dont know what… im just ganna um hold you okay," brittany said realizing that was all she could do. She wrapped her arms around santana until there was no space in-between them. Brittany's chin resting on santans's shoulder. Her arms around Santana's tourso. As santana begun to shake, cries wracking her her body , brittany intertwined her fingers with hers as if it would steady her.

Finally Santana began to let go, she just let it all out. A flow of nonstop tears cascading down her face and unstoppable cries erupted from her throat. The room felt like it was spinning and tears blurred her vision. She turned into brittany and buried her face in her chest. Brittany was now whispering " every things ganna be okay," over and over again and stroking santana's hair.

They stayed like that until santana's cries subsided and silence filled the room. " I love you," santana said into brittany's chest. " I love you too,''brittany replied and kissed the top of her head. Santana pulled back a little so she could softly press her lips to brittany's, the kiss filling them both with warmth as brittany whipped the last of the tears from santana's face.


End file.
